That "Couple Thing"

Earlier this week I spent a wonderful "girls' night out" at a charity event. On the way home the talk focused on trips my friends and their husbands were planning, and a group cruise two of them were taking with other couples from our community. Although my husband wasn't a fan of cruises—and even if he were still alive, we wouldn't be going on the cruise—I briefly found myself feeling very sad and, yes, even a little left out. Thinking about it later, I figured out that the sadness I was feeling was related to the loss of my life as part of a couple.

I've spent more than 47 years as one-half of a couple, and suddenly that aspect of my identity is gone. It's an issue related to being a widow that I never thought about until I became one. I have a number of friends who are widows and I suddenly understand what a difficult transition returning to life as a "single," can be. I suspect people who divorce experience the same sense of loss.

Obviously, I'm just getting started, so can't speak authoritatively on the issue, but I'm feeling some regret for not inviting my current widowed friends to join Art and me for dinner or other social events more frequently. These women immediately welcomed me into their widow's group, inviting me to dinners and movies, and sharing words of comfort and advice. I am grateful to them and hope to continue to enjoy their company. However, I also hope that I'll still get to socialize with the "couple friends" Art and I had. I hope they'll occasionally invite me out for lunch, or dinner, or a movie. I also hope they'll understand that I expect to pay my own way. I want to pay my own way, and I don't want anyone protesting when I tell the waitress I need a separate check.