A Rebirth—of Sorts

I was talking with a friend about grief recently when she asked, "Have you gone through the stages?"  Obviously, she meant the 5 stages of grief, first proposed by Elizabeth-Kubler Ross in her book On Death and Dying, but I didn't know how to answer that question. It has been two and a half years since Art died so I must have gone through them, at least on a subconscious level, but I couldn't say for sure. Should I have been keeping track?


After thinking about this for awhile, I had to admit that I couldn't remember exactly what the five stages are, so I decided to look it up. Thanks to "Google," (How did we ever survive without Google?) it only took a few seconds to refresh my memory and realize that I probably have gone through all of the stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—but not necessarily in that order or in an obvious way. And, in a sense, I have been keeping track through this blog. Although not specifically named, the stages of grief are all reflected in my more than 40 postings. Furthermore, the process of writing this blog has helped me navigate through the difficult grieving process. Writing about my emotional journey has helped me to understand it. To some, writing this blog may seem self-indulgent, and perhaps it is; but, to me, it has been a saving grace.


As I've written so many times, the grieving process is not linear and it is not the same for everyone. I'm continuing to work on the acceptance stage. It is getting better, but I still find myself looking at Art's picture in disbelief and asking myself, "How could this have happened to us? Why did this happen to us?" There are no answers.


The New Year is just days away and something I read in my horoscope recently has given me a new perspective on my life as a widow. It read, "In many ways, you are just being born." Those words made me realize that life after the death of a spouse is very much like being born again. Successfully navigating widowhood requires letting go of memories of what life was like as part of a couple. It requires taking chances on new adventures and making new memories. That is the journey I am on now. 


I took an important first step this past November when I went on my very first cruise. It was the trip of a lifetime and, because Art had no interest in cruising (and I didn't think I did either), it was something we would never have done together. I'm looking forward to making more new memories in 2012. I'll keep you posted.