Moving Forward

I read my horoscope in the newspaper every day, and although I don't put a great deal of stock in the "predictions," I was recently struck by a horoscope entry that seems to reflect what is going on in my life.  It read: You will not be sure whether it is you guiding your life or your life guiding you. It really doesn't matter. The important thing is that you are moving forward in a way that feels good to you.


I've written before about my feeling that I have been just drifting through my life since Art's death, and reading that horoscope entry has raised that issue for me again. For 17 months now I've been going along with almost any activity—social or business-related—that friends, family or colleagues have suggested to me. I've been trying to fill the void in my life by staying so busy that I don't leave myself too much time to feel sad and lonely. Does that mean I'm still drifting?

I think that, for me at least, the answer to the question implied in that horoscope entry is: My life is guiding me. Most days I do feel like I am still drifting. Am I at least moving forward? I hope so, but I can't say that I'm totally sure of that. In the last few days I have taken some concrete steps to put my life in better order—to take care of some of the difficult tasks that I've been avoiding for months. They are baby steps, and they seem to be aimed in the right direction, but I still have a long way to go.

Am I moving forward in a way that feels good to me? I think the jury is still out on that one.