On Being Alone

I've been living alone for almost two years now, but I don't think I'm very good at being alone—at least not yet. The truth is, I never really lived alone, or  even had a room of my own, before. When I was young, I shared a room with my sister, and during my four years at college, I had as many as 3 roommates at a time.  Art and I were married three weeks after I graduated and we began sharing a bedroom, a home and a life. Over the years, Art's work required him to travel a great deal, but our four children kept me from being alone. He continued to travel occasionally after the kids left the nest, so of course, technically at least, I was alone during the times when he was gone. However, it really wasn't the same. He was rarely gone for more than a few days at a time, and, as I mentioned in a previous post, it was actually a nice change of pace for both of us. And, most importantly, I always knew he'd be back.


Last week was the quietest week I've had in a very long time, with nothing on my calendar except for one dinner with friends. I was actually looking forward to it and thought I'd make some headway on some chores I've been putting off for a long time. I also thought I would enjoy having all that time to myself. For the first couple of days, it felt good to not have any obligations, but that feeling disappeared pretty quickly. By the time Saturday evening rolled around I was very much aware of how alone I am (and I was more than a little annoyed at myself because I had made almost no progress on those chores I'd been avoiding for months). Don't get me wrong. I'm not lonely. There is a difference. I have wonderful friends and family who keep me from being lonely. But there is nothing to keep me from being alone—at least nothing I'm willing to consider at this point in my life.


While I was taking my early morning walk today, I heard a song on my iPod Shuffle that is helping me see things from a different perspective. The song, sung by Sarah Brightman and Paul Stanley, was "I Will Be With You." The lyric that struck a chord with me was this: When you realize you were loved, you will never be alone.


I was loved.