"A life I didn't choose chose me: even my tools are the wrong ones for what I have to do."Last week the grief counselor shared these words (written by poet Adrienne Rich) with our support group. I've been thinking about them all week and wondering what the right tools are. What tools do I need to get through the rest of my life—this life I didn't choose—without my husband? The truth is, when we lose a spouse, we lose half of your identity. So who am I now? It's true that I am a widow; but is that all that I am? Can I be more than that? Can I find something deep within myself—perhaps something that I gave up when I decided to get married and have children—that can help me redefine my identity?
My friend Connie says, "We honor our husbands by going forward and living a life, in spite of our grief." But what does it take to do that? After three months of experiencing life as a widow, I think I'm beginning to get the message. It takes the strength to get out of bed every morning and face another day, when we'd rather not. It takes the humility to ask for help when we can't figure out how to do something that our spouse always did for us. And it takes the courage to go out on our own and try something new—something that just may help us begin building a new life.
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