The Healing Power of Tears

I've always considered myself an emotional person—someone who cries easily, when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I'm angry—but all through my husband's 9-month battle with lymphoma. I wouldn't let myself cry because I was too busy trying to make sure he got the medical care he needed, and I didn't want him or our children to know how scared I was. After my husband died, I was too numb to cry—and there was so much to do. Besides, I was afraid that if I started crying I might not be able to stop. It's not that I didn't shed any tears. It's just that I wouldn't let myself give in to them and truly feel the terrible grief that accompanies the loss of a loved one. Finally one night, alone in my bedroom, the tears got the best of me. My face ached so badly from clenching my jaw in an effort to control my emotions, and I was so frustrated because I couldn't fall asleep, even with the help of a sleeping pill, that I began to sob. When I finally stopped crying—and after I dried my eyes and blew my nose—I realized that my face didn't ache any more. I got back into bed and slept through the night.

Although I did learn a lesson that night, I still have a tendency to fight back tears when I think about Art or try to talk about him with friends. My friend Connie, who was widowed five years ago, caught me doing just  that when we were together a couple of weeks ago. She hugged me and shared a quote that she has posted by her computer: "Crying is a shower for the soul." Now, when I feel myself clenching my jaw, and my face begins to ache, I realize that it's time to stop trying to distract myself with daily activities and, again, let the tears get the best of me.

Thinking about all this reminded me of a song that Rosey Grier sang on Free to Be You and Me, a Marlo Thomas TV special for children back in the 70s. "It's alright to cry. Crying gets the sad out of you. It's all right to cry. It might make you feel better"—at least for a little while.