Good Grief

It seems like an oxymoron. How could grief possibly be good? Obviously, we'd all prefer not to have any grief in our life, but I've learned, from a wise grief counselor, that when we do experience a loss, it's important to accept the reality of our loss and let ourselves grieve. As difficult as it may be, we need to allow ourselves to truly feel the pain of our loss—to cry, to scream, to rail against that higher power that let this happen to our loved one—and then find a way to move beyond it. After all, isn't that what our loved one would want us to do? It takes time. I'm not sure I'm ready yet. I'm still working on letting myself feel the loss.

Several years ago I read a book by Lolly Winston entitled "Good Grief."It is a novel about a woman who became a widow at age 36. The story is both heart wrenching and funny, as the main character tries to come to terms with her husband's death and reinvent her life. She wants to be a graceful and composed widow, like Jackie Kennedy, but, instead, she is "more of a Jack Daniels kind." Of course, when I read the book, I never thought I'd ever actually be a widow, but now that I am, I found myself thinking about the book and recalling one passage in particular: "The funny thing about rock bottom is there's stuff underneath. You think, This is it: I'm at the bottom now. It's all uphill from here! Then you discover the escalator goes down one more floor to another level of the bargain basement of junk."
I think that passage very accurately, and creatively, describes the process of grief.

All the literature on grief describe stages of grief, but emphasizes that it is not a linear process. There are good days and bad days. And just when you think you are having a good day, you walk into the garage and see your husband's golf clubs sitting there, with his cap perched on the head of his 5-wood…