The Beginning

I never saw myself as a widow—I suppose no one does—but that's how the world sees me now. I guess I have no choice but to accept it as my new identity. I don't have to let it define me, though, and that's what I'm working on now.

How does a widow act? What is she supposed to do? I guess the obvious answer is: "Be yourself. Just be yourself." That should be the easy part, but it's difficult to be yourself when your heart is broken. The man I've loved since I was 20 years old died on June 24, 2009, one day after our 47th wedding anniversary. It's been two months now and I still find it hard to believe he's gone. He was one of the truly "good guys," and it's just not fair.

For several weeks after Art died, I woke up every morning with a knot in my stomach, and my first thoughts were:: "I can't do this. I don't want to do this." I desperately wanted my old life back. I still do, but I think I'm finally beginning to accept the fact that my life has been irrevocably changed. As difficult as it is to face, I have to build a new life without Art. I still wake up with a knot in my stomach most mornings, but I'm starting to believe that maybe I can do this.

The good part is I don't have to do it alone. Although I am now physically alone in this retirement home Art and I shared for the last nine years, I'm not really alone. I have four wonderful, loving children who call me every day, a very caring extended family, and a whole community of supportive friends and neighbors who are determined not to let me be lonely.

Before he died, I promised Art I would be okay. It's not going to be easy, but I will keep that promise.