Thoughts on the Importance of Girlfriends

For many women, friends are our primary partners through life; they are the ones who move us into new homes, out of bad relationships, through births and illness… Even for women who do marry, this is true at the beginning of our adult lives, and at the end—after divorce or the death of a spouse.

That quote is from an article I read several weeks ago. I jotted it down, because it struck a note with me, and I thought it might be a good topic for a blog post. Unfortunately, I didn't note the source, so I owe the author of that article a sincere apology. After reading the article, I found myself thinking about the important role "girlfriends" have played in the various stages of my life, and I was surprised to realize that I am still in contact with at least one of my "girlfriends" from just about every major stage of my life—beginning as a child, through my college years, and extending through seven relocations during my marriage. Most often, the contacts have been limited to exchanging Christmas cards, emails or Facebook messages, but the bond is still there, and, occasionally, our paths have crossed again, unexpectedly.

One of the earliest memories of my childhood is the red-headed, freckled-faced little girl named Janet who became my first "girlfriend" at the age of 4. She lived across the street from me at the time and, although we've gone in different directions in our adult lives, we are still "best friends"—73 years later! Growing up, we were different sides of the same coin. I was the serious student, she the fun-loving one, always ready for a party. Our mothers said we were "good for each other." I reminded her when it was time to study, and she reminded me when it was time to have some fun. She married a year before I did, but we had our first children (girls) just 25 days apart, which is exactly the difference between Janet's and my ages. We don't have the opportunity to see each other as often as we used to and our phone conversations aren't as frequent as they once were, but when we do connect, it's as if we'd never been apart. Two other girlfriends from my childhood days are now living just a few miles from me here in Florida and we get together occasionally (not nearly often enough) for lunch and to reminisce about "old times" growing up in a small town "where everyone knows your name."

Surprisingly, living in Florida has presented unexpected opportunities for connecting with some of my old girlfriends. Shortly after my husband and I moved here, 17 years ago, I learned that my college roommate Kitsie and her husband regularly spent part of the winter on Sanibel Island, just a few miles from our home. Happily, Kitsie and I managed to get together during several of their visits. Although they no longer come to Sanibel, we still keep in contact via Facebook. Most recently, I was happily surprised to learn that two other girlfriends from my college sorority were vacationing not far from where I live.  Gail and I had been in contact for many years, and had seen each other a time or two recently, but I hadn't seen Diane since we graduated 55 years ago! The three of us met for lunch and, after the first few minutes, it was like we'd never been apart.

When I was a young mother, there were many girlfriends who helped me through the learning curve of motherhood. In truth, I think we actually helped each other as we dealt with the many challenges associated with child rearing. One woman, in particular stands out in my memory, perhaps because she was my first role model as a young mother. I met Ellen when my first child was just a few months old. She was a bit older and, as the mother of three toddlers, far more experienced than I. She was always there to help when I needed it. During the three short years we lived side-by-side in that duplex in Syracuse, NY, we shared what seemed like a lifetime of memories.  Over the intervening years, despite many moves and one long period without communication—when she was undergoing a particularly difficult time in her first marriage—we never entirely lost contact. We are both widows now, and, after 50+ years, we still communicate regularly and have even managed to get together (in Florida) several times in recent years.

No period of my life has been more difficult to navigate than my husband's illness and subsequent death. I couldn't have gotten through it without the support of my wonderful family; but "when the dust had settled" and, of necessity, they all had to deal with their own grief and move on with their lives, it was my closest girlfriends in my Ft. Myers neighborhood who were there to help me pick up the pieces. They let me grieve, but wouldn't let me give up on living the full life that they knew Art would want for me. Although some of them thought I was making a mistake when I made the decision to sell my home and move to a CCRC, they all supported me and helped me make the transition. Fortunately I'm just a 30 minute drive away from my old neighborhood, so we still get together on a regular basis.

As I approach the third year of my new life in Cypress Cove,  I find myself blessed with many new friends, including a group of special "girlfriends," fondly known as the "Merry Widows." Although our ages range from the mid-90s to the mid-70s, our personalities are distinctively different, and we come from different backgrounds, we bonded fairly quickly. Before long, we started meeting  for dinner every Friday night. We laugh together, share our life stories and family news, celebrate birthdays and holidays, give each other moral and physical support when needed, and so much more. Chalk up another lesson learned: You're never too old for new girlfriends.

The circle of women around us weave invisible nets of love that carry us when we're weak and sing with us when we are strong.  (Author unknown)

The Merry Widow Witches of Cypress Cove