Two Steps Forward, One Back

When someone loses a loved one, everyone says, "Remember the happy times." We've all said it. I've said it many times to friends who have experienced a loss. I've been trying to follow that advice since my husband died, and at times I've been successful.  But for the past couple of weeks I've been finding it difficult to keep myself focused on happy memories, because the bad times are still too fresh in my mind. It was a year ago in mid-November that Art was diagnosed with stage IV non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and spent 24 days, including Thanksgiving, in the hospital. Although he rallied for awhile, and there were some happy moments, he died just 7 months later.

I've been trying to focus on the 47 years worth of living memories that we had together—moments when Art was healthy, running, playing golf, drinking a glass of his favorite red wine, listening to his extensive collection of jazz CDs, and enjoying happy times with friends and family—but memories of the dying moments keep coming back to haunt me. I know this is all a necessary part of grieving. I understand that it's not a linear process, but some days that just doesn't help.